FFX American Idols
by Degan Veran
Summary: This story is about the FF cast is taking a brake. They decided to have a kareoke battle to
1. The Beginning

FFX Idol  
  
This story is about the FF cast is taking a brake. They decided to have a kareoke battle to  
  
see who sings better. The catch . . . they must use real songs but tweak the words to   
  
pertain to the game story.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own FF or square-enix, but someday I will. But I do own a computer,   
  
an island in the Caribbean, the state of Florida, oh and you.   
  
FFX Idol  
  
Yuna: What a hard day. Me and Tidus had to do that kissing scene about 27 times   
  
because Mr. Slobber over here kept messing up.  
  
Tidus: Yeah, "Messing up".  
  
Tidus then let out a nervous laugh and sat down.   
  
Lulu: What do we do until they have the next sets assembled?  
  
Wakka: I can think of something we can do. It will only take 5 minutes though.  
  
Wakka closes his eyes and starts to smile. He envisioned him in the blitzball   
  
arena with Lulu throwing blitzballs so he can practice. Lulu notices his   
  
contented smile and slaps him. Wakka wakes up out of his trance and rubs his cheek.   
  
Rikku: I know, DANCE PARTY.  
  
Rikku gets up fro, the couch and starts doing the malcania, uhhh, Macarena.   
  
Everyone just stares at her until she stops and sits back down.  
  
Movers: Excuse us, coming through.  
  
Two movers walked in the room carrying a kareoke machine.   
  
Tidus: I got it, singing contest. Its ok, put it down right over there.  
  
Movers: But we have to take it to studio 6.  
  
Tidus: Do you know who we are?  
  
Movers: No.  
  
Tidus: We are the stars of Squares latest FF. We will make them millions.   
  
Now, set it down before I have to call your boss.  
  
Movers: Fine, fine. If you want to make it less we have to lug this thing   
  
around than so be it.  
  
The two movers set it down, plugged it in and then left.   
  
Rikku: Lets see what songs they have here, ohohohoohhh. My fave. I will even use my rapping name, slick rik.  
  
The Real Slick Rik (Played to The Real Slim Shady By Eminem)  
  
May I have your attention please.   
  
May I have your attention please.   
  
Will the real Slicky Rik please stand up.  
  
I repeat, Will the real Slicky Rik please stand up.  
  
Were gonna have a problem here.  
  
You all act like you have never seen an Al Bhed before,  
  
Guys see me and all there Jaws hit the floor  
  
I wear so little yet guys always want to see more  
  
They don't listen to my lines cause they think I'm a bore.  
  
Its the return of is...oh wait no wait you're kidding.  
  
He didn't come back after what Braska did, did he?  
  
And Mr. Gotta said, nothing you idiots Mr. Gottas dead  
  
No one knows the countless fishes he's fed.   
  
Living these lies hearin Rikku coming from all the guys  
  
Chickacihckachicka slick Rik Sick of that chick  
  
Look at her walking around wearing you know what checking you know who  
  
Yeah, but she's still cute though  
  
I can make machinas screws up in there heads loose  
  
But its no worse than what goes on in Seymour's Bedroom  
  
Sometimes I want to watch TV. and just let loose, but I can't  
  
but its cool for the maesters and sin to call a truce  
  
My weapons on my hip, my weapons on my hip   
  
And if you are lucky you can ride on my ship (*The airship, not something else)  
  
And the message is that I am a little kid  
  
And when my home was burning all I did was hid  
  
Of course you guys know it  
  
And of course by the time I reached fourth grade  
  
I was 16 and everyone else wasn't, weren't they?  
  
We aren't nothing but mammals,  
  
well, some of us are monstrous animals  
  
Who attack like a lion attacks an antelope  
  
But if we can summon dead animals  
  
and antelopes  
  
Then there is no reason that Tidus and Yuna can't elope.   
  
But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote  
  
Stick this needle up your nose  
  
Sing the chorus and it goes  
  
Cuz I'm Slicky Rik  
  
Yes I'm the real Rik   
  
All the other Slick Riks just get me sick  
  
So will the real slick Rik please stand up   
  
Please stand up   
  
Please stand up  
  
Please stand up   
  
Cuz I'm Slicky Rik  
  
Yes I'm the real Rik   
  
All the other Slick Riks just get me sick  
  
So will the real slick Rik please stand up   
  
Please stand up   
  
Please stand up  
  
Please stand up   
  
Square doesn't have to cuss to sell discs, but I want to.  
  
So forget them and forget you two.  
  
You think I give a care about a teen rating?  
  
If half the critics hear me cuss than they all star fainting  
  
But Rik   
  
what if you kiss   
  
a guy named Tidus   
  
Why so he can just lie to get me near  
  
Just to hear my voice that sounds like Britney Spears?  
  
All I know is that Yuna better switch me chairs  
  
So I can sit next to a Ronso and Wakka the first  
  
And try to judge which one speaks english the worst  
  
Big meanie keep playing *"Rikku Returns" on your TV. (*The video sphere when Rikku joins your party)  
  
She's cute, but look at her clothes hehe.  
  
I should work on my voice in am MP3  
  
And sell it to the world on a c.d.  
  
I'm sick of you summoners all you do is annoy me  
  
So we kidnap you and have your aeons destroy you  
  
And there's hundreds of us just like  
  
Who think like me  
  
Who just annoy too much like me  
  
Who dress like me  
  
Who walk, talk and act like me  
  
It may be the next best thing but very freaky.  
  
Cuz I'm Slicky Rik  
  
Yes I'm the real Rik   
  
All the other Slick Riks just get me sick  
  
So will the real slick Rik please stand up   
  
Please stand up   
  
Please stand up  
  
Please stand up   
  
Cuz I'm Slicky Rik  
  
Yes I'm the real Rik   
  
All the other Slick Riks just get me sick  
  
So will the real slick Rik please stand up   
  
Please stand up   
  
Please stand up  
  
Please stand up   
  
I'm like a alarm clock to listen to   
  
Cuz I am only giving you things you think when you are on shrooms  
  
The only thing is that I have the gull to say it in front of yaw all   
  
Just giving you the pulse without lying at all   
  
Peace yall, and Tidus if you and Yuna ever get married remember   
  
that it is cheaper, to keep her. For shizzle my nizzle watch me on the tellevizzle.   
  
Rikku then got off stage.  
  
Tidus whispering to Yuna: Did you notice she spent most of the song calling herself a bimbo and stupid?  
  
Yuna whispering to Tidus: Shah, I know that but obviously Rikku was to air headed to notice.  
  
Rikku: So who goes next? 


	2. Seymore Is Fruity

Chapter 2: Seymour is Fruity  
  
Tidus: Well, I guess I will go next. I haven't insulted Seymour today yet.   
  
Seymour: Hey!  
  
Tidus then walked up on the platform that was attached to the kareoke machine.  
  
Tidus: This song is entitled "Never letting go" and I am going to dedicate it to Seymour.  
  
Tidus pushed a button and a rap/reggae beat came out.  
  
Song 2: "Never Letting Go" Played to No letting go By Wayne Wonder.  
  
Met somebody, he is quite fruity  
  
Very special*, really and truly (*Special as in different school)  
  
I always kill, him usually unduly  
  
Would you die by my side everyday.  
  
Please just let go, no need to hold back  
  
Because you are a baby  
  
When I'm near you its a boring chat  
  
I'm so glad you die  
  
Never letting go, no need to hold back  
  
No holding back no hold-yeah  
  
When I'm near you its a boring chat  
  
I'm so glad you die  
  
They say bad things don't come to an end  
  
But I'm optimistic, not your friend  
  
Do I make you cry?  
  
You are just fruity  
  
Please just let go, no need to hold back  
  
Because you are a baby  
  
When I'm near you its a boring chat  
  
I'm so glad you die  
  
Never letting go, no need to hold back  
  
No holding back no hold-yeah  
  
When I'm near you its a boring chat  
  
I'm so glad you die  
  
Really appreatiate you hating me after all that you've been through  
  
Really appreatiate you hating me All time All you do is whine  
  
Met somebody, he is quite fruity  
  
Very special*, really and truly (*Special as in different school)  
  
I always kill, him usually unduly  
  
Would you die by my side everyday.  
  
Please just let go, no need to hold back  
  
Because you are a baby  
  
When I'm near you its a boring chat  
  
I'm so glad you die  
  
Never letting go, no need to hold back  
  
No holding back no hold-yeah  
  
When I'm near you its a boring chat  
  
I'm so glad you die  
  
And with that Tidus took a bow and walked off-stage back to his seat.   
  
Seymour crossed his arms.  
  
Seymour: That was uncalled for. It was wrong, unedifying, idiotic and childish. I'm telling.  
  
Seymour got up and ran off crying.  
  
Tidus: So who's next?  
  
Episode preview: Next is Aaron's turn. I don't know what he will sing, but think along the lines of a weird Al Yankovich a humorous song. If you have any suggestions then post them. 


	3. Farplae

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Squarenix, yet, but I am working on it. Still own Florida, sold the Caribbean island so I could afford gas and am in the process of selling you guys but Michael Jackson isn't buying now that the police have caught up to him. I bought Iraq though, best 45 billion I ever spent. Well, enjoy.   
  
Chapter 3: Farplane  
  
Tidus: Well, who goes?  
  
Tidus scanned the room, hoping to find someone to take the heat off his performance. He spotted Yuna and tried to palm it off to her.  
  
Tidus: Hey, you like singing? Come on, dress in that maids outfit you look so cute in.  
  
Yuna: Hey, you weren't supposed to tell anyone about that.  
  
Tidus: I mean your song stress dress sphere.  
  
Yuna: Ohhh.  
  
Yuna started to blush.  
  
Yuna: What? Why is everyone looking at me? What?  
  
With that Yuna ran out of the room.   
  
Tidus: Any volunteers?   
  
Auron lifted his head from the circular opening of his sake jug.  
  
Auron: I will go.   
  
Everyone flashed a surprised look at the stoic warrior. He shakingly got up and stumbled on stage. He pressed a few buttons and suddenly a classical beat came out.  
  
"Camp Granada"  
  
Hello Tidus, hello Paine  
  
Here I am at, the far plane.  
  
Life is very, very draining  
  
And Yunalesca would be fun if she stopped maiming.  
  
I went hiking, with Braska  
  
He heard bout the lake, he will ask ya  
  
You remember, blondie Tidus  
  
Well he developed some sort of stomach virus  
  
All the dead guys, hate the living  
  
So we come back, hard times were giving  
  
And Gatta, wants no morons,   
  
So he tells us all to use our brains norons (NOTE: Intentional spelling of neurons to show Gatta is dumb)  
  
And I don't want to sound cocky  
  
But in one chug, I finished my sake  
  
You know those Al Bhed we be scarin  
  
But I still don't get the masks they wearin  
  
Let me stay, don't bring me back  
  
Let me stay, I will attack   
  
Don't leave me, in Guadosalam  
  
Where Seymour is as stupid as Saddam   
  
Let me stay, I wont drink booze any more  
  
Or end up passed out on the floor  
  
Please don't make me go  
  
Cuz I will tell Lulu who called her a ho  
  
Bimbo Lulu, crazy Paine  
  
How is Laguna's Raine?  
  
I am sorry, she is dead  
  
But I really wanted to get her into bed  
  
Wait a second, Lescas shouting  
  
At Seymour, who is pouting  
  
Killing Seymour, that's much better  
  
I bet Tidus couldn't even read this letter.   
  
Auron quietly bowed and walked off stage. Tidus turned to Yuna.  
  
Tidus: That was nice of him to mention me in his song.  
  
Yuna: Uh, Tidus?  
  
Tidus: Such a nice guy.   
  
Auron's quickly replaced his lips on his jug.   
  
Auron (in drunken voice): You know, that last guy kinda sounded like me. I like that guuu.  
  
With that Auron collapsed on the floor.   
  
Wakka: Ok, so who's gonna do the chalk outline this time?  
  
Lulu: I will.  
  
Lulu drew a perfect outline of Auron with chalk and than dragged his body to the side. She than kicked Wakka from behind and hit him squarely in the spine. He fell exactly the way she drew the chalk outline.  
  
Lulu: That's for calling me a ho.  
  
At this time the door opened and another ff character walked in.   
  
Paine: …..  
  
Yuna: Uhh, Paine? You're a little early. FF X hasn't even come out yet.   
  
Paine: . . . . . .   
  
Paine dropped a box of something on the table and went into a corner to brood. Rikku raced to the box And opened it.  
  
Rikku: Hey coffee!  
  
Preview: Who will sing next? Is Auron dead? Does Wakka regret getting Lulu pregnant? Is Paine a mute? How will a steady supply of double espresso change Rikku? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? All these questions will be answered in the next episode. Stay tuned, and remember, I know where you live.  
  
Note: Author does not know where anyone lives, not even where he lives. 


	4. Idiocy at its finest

Idiocy at its finest

Disclaimer: I do not own square enix YET. But I do own a jet ski, a computer, Equilibrium: The special edition DVD and three pieces of lint. Go me

As Kamarhi dragged Aurons drunk body out of the way Rikku reached for the expresso.

Rikku: Hmmm, whats this?

As Rikku took a sip of the canned brown liquid she smiled.

Rikku: Its DELICIOUS! Thanks Paine.

Paine: ...

Rikku had just about downed her first can when she started reaching for another.

Wakka: So, who goes next, ya?

Tidus: Whats up with you man? Why do you always say ya after everything?

Wakka: I don't know, ya?

Tidus: I seriously wonder what kind of morons raised this idiot?

Tidus got up and reached for the phone. Dialing Wakka's parents number as he waited for the answer.

Wakka's parents: So, youre wondering what kind of morons raised this idiot?

Tidus: How did you know?

Wakka's parents: Thats the only reason anyone calls us.

Tidus: . . .

Tidus hangs up the phone and walks back to his seat.

: Hey, stop goofing off in there!

Kahamari: Who . . . . was . . . . that?

Tidus: Huh? Who knows we're here?

Lulu: I don't know.

Aauron: Cuz I got drunk, cuz I got drunk, cuz I got drunk, dananananana I was gonna . . .

Aauron suddenly collapses due to alcahol poisoning.

Yuna: Oh great, its the creator Degan.

Degan walks in with Tifa holding on to his arm and following him enthusiastically.

Degan: You're supposed to be singing, not goofing off.

Tidus: Hey, wait a second, Tifa has nothing to do with Final fantasy X. You cant do that!

Tifa: Its his story, he can do whatever he wants.

Degan: Yup.

Degan leans over and kisses Tifa.

Degan: Well, I gotta go. Im a busy guy, ya know, with all the running and menu reading and incidents involving clowns on jet skis. When I come back you guys better be singing!

With that Degan and Tifa turned and walked out.

Tidus: How did he know we were goofing off?

Lulu: Maybe he has a mole here.

Rikku outside with a mole holding a suitcase

Rikku: Im sorry Harry. I know you've worked here longer than I have but I just cant take that risk.

Rikku walks back in and takes her third coffee.

Lulu: Or maybe the office is bugged.

Once again, Rikku is outside with a cricket

Rikku: Im really sorry Jimminy. I know you were so close to retirement but I just cant take that chance. Besides, lying doesnt make my nose bigger you jerk.

Rikku mumbled to herself

Rikku: Try to tell me I have a big nose

Quickly Rikku walks back inside.

Lulu: Or maybe he had the office Tidused.

Rikku outside with Tidus

Rikku: I dont care if youre a main character. You need to leave.

Tidus: HEY

Back inside Rikku is on her fourth can.

Rikku: Heywhatsupicantbelievehowgoodthisstuffishaveyoutriedititssogood seriouslygoodidontknowhowtodescribethegoodnesswannaridebikes?

Tidus: Idiot

Kahamari grabs a seat and peals a banana.

Yuna: Hey Kahamari, Ive been meaning to ask you. Are you a monkey?

Kahamari: Kind . . . . of.

Yuna: Okay, are you a communist?

Kahamari: Kind . . . . . of.

Tidus: But wait, I have never heard of a Communist monkey.

Kahamari: Dont . . . be . . . surprised, I . . . come . . . from . . . . a . . . large . . . family . . . of. . . . communist . . . . . monkeys.

(Shows picture of monkey from Outbreak hissing)

(Shows a picture of Marcel from friends playing an accordian)

(Shows a picture of Michael Jackson's monkey bubbles moon walking)

(Shows a picture of Al Gore)

Tidus: So, do you descend from Rafiki from the lion king too?

Kahamari: He . . . . isn't . . .. even . . . . a . . . . monkey. He .. . . is . . . a . . . babon.

Tidus: He is a MONKEY!

Kahamari: Babaoon . . . . numbskull.

Wakka: Ill fix this misunderstanding, ya?

(Wakka looks up the lion king on the net)

Wakka: Wow, the gay monkeys right!

Kahamari: Communist

Wakka: HAHA, A MONKEYS SMARTER THAN YOU!

Tidus: Oh great, someone finally proved my father right.

Wakka: Haha, beaten by a communist chimp.

Kahamri; MONKEY!

Tidus: It wouldnt be the first time.

(Flashback, Tidus and a unnamed monkey on Jepordy. Tidus has -600 score and the monkey has + 3400 score)

Monkey: Yes, nuclear science for 900 Alex.

Tidus: Well anyway we should see if Paine wants to sing.

Paine: . . .

Tidus: Okay, I see she has the vocabulary of a young Hellen Keller.

Rikku: OHOHOHOIlovehellenkellerthemoviewassogreatitmademecryandthemusicalwasevenbetterwiththetappingand allofthemusicandthedananananananaandIlovethatsongandsingiteveryday.

Lulu: Can someone please cut this girl off?

Wakka: Well, Im going to . . um . . .go into another room.

Wakka quietly walks away into another room.

Wakka: Alright, intervention time. First Tony the Tiger, than gollum and finally Morpheus.

Preview: Im sorry I havent updates for a long time, Ive just been really busy for the past two years. Im so sorry, I meant to call but my phone went out and than, ya know, I didnt get free minutes and my dog stopped me ect. But Im back, and funnier than ever. Enjoy this chapter, to make it up to you for bieng so late I made thois chapter longer and funnier than the others. Expect another hilarious song parody soon.

Will Degan be back? Will Wakka get Tony the tiger off the white stuff? Will the COmmunist monkey bite someone? Is Paine a mute? How much coffee will Rikku drink? How many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop? All this and more soon, same bat time, same bat channel.


End file.
